rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
