alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
