i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
