I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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