Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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