He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize