I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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