are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
