I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
pray to the hookup gods
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
