Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
