I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I still have a little drunk in my system
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
