There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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