If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
