Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
