Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
