What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
