you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
