Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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