I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
