No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
