walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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