I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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