Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
