i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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