Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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