I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
