my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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