I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
