He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize