why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
