I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
