Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
