Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
