I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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