i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
