I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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