we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
