dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
