he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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