there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
