I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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