That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
