I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
