Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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