These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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