You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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