You're my little dorito
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
