i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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