I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
