Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
