We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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