mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
