How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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