final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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