We won't sleep together?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
