There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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