The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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