Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
