And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
