Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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