worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
