He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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