Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
